why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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