all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
