i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
