ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
