a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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