whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
