I want to make a zoo with you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
