Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
