i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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