i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
