Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
