I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
