Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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