It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
