so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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