I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
