so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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