he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
