the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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