im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
