its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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