I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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