Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
