I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
