What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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