I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
