oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
