I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
