yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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