Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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