Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
