So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
