How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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