the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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