Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
