there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
