she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
