haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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