It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
found the other keg... it's in the tree
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
