people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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