Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
