Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
