And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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