forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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