Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
