he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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