Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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