this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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