connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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