so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
