its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
